Sunday, May 6, 2012

Elaine's Guide on How to Run a Half Marathon



  1. Sign up for a half marathon (It would be best if you could find one that occurs during one of the busiest time of year for you to ensure proper training)

  2. Get family member to sign up to

  3. Finish up any physical therapy and then proceed to stop doing the strength exercises they give you

  4. Completely overbook your week with lacrosse games so that it leaves you with no time to train and also not adequate rest for your legs for long runs

  5. Have family back out of race due to injury

  6. Waffle back and forth about whether you should run the race, while forever lamenting you don't want to hurt yourself like last time

  7. Make the decision not to race because you didn't have enough time to train

  8. Get a crap load of shit from co-workers and re-change your mind to run the race

  9. Coerce co-worker to run race with you at the last minute

  10. Wake up morning of the race and eat one banana and one bowl of Frosted Flake cereal

  11. Pee 4 times within 45 minutes of the start time

  12. Stretch and leave lucky, purposely bought to be left behind sweater on a random speaker

  13. Run race

  14. Finish race


See how there was absolutely no training required to run a half marathon.  I do admit though in the two months prior to the race, I ran 6 times - the longest being 7.5 miles and the shortest being 4.8 miles.  All it really takes is a great running partner to keep you motivated during the race and your mind off how shitty you feel while running.  It doesn't hurt if your race partner is exceptionally fast and doesn't mind getting water for you at all stations so that you don't have to deal with the crowd and can maintain a steady pace.  I would not have finished if it were not for my co-worker.  He kicks ass.

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